


no more sacred language than the one tattooed on your soul

by lastyrainhill



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Chuck Lives, Deaf Character, Disability, Explicit Content (eventually), Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sign Language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-28
Updated: 2014-07-07
Packaged: 2018-01-26 20:45:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,852
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1701971
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lastyrainhill/pseuds/lastyrainhill
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by chuckismycopilot's headcanon on her tumblr: Pacific Rim AU where Chuck survives Operation Pitfall, but his injuries leave him deaf. Frustrated and angry, he withdraws into himself while Raleigh learns sign language in secret. The first things he learns are “I’m here” and “forever” - “I love you” comes later. (An awful lot of thanks to her for letting me use this amazing idea.)</p><p>After Operation Pitfall, Raleigh doesn't really what to do with himself. It only lasts until newly upgraded Marshall Hansen has to leave and give him the mission to watch Chuck - who's in a coma since he came back from the bottom of the ocean. Raleigh reluctantly accepts. And when Chuck wakes up - everything is about to change.</p><p>In a deserted Shatterdome, a story of healing - each other and oneself.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you to the lovely chuckismycopilot (chuckismycopilot.com) for her amazing idea!  
> Comments and kudos are highly appreciated if you liked the story.  
> English is not my native language. I apologize about any mistakes!

His world explodes in chaos and pain.

It's not his own personal hell, but damn, Chuck wishes it'd be. But it's the Ranger burden; once you're in the Drift, you feel everything.  
And everything fucking hurts.

He thinks like he's dying. His pilot suit burns against his skin. His helmet suddenly feels like it's too small. It's agonizing, really, not to breathe. He never thought about it before. It sets his chest on fire, and his eyes are suddenly teary. Maybe it's good he doesn't see anything anymore, he thinks to himself - and to Stacker, but Stacker is too busy fighting his own death coming. Or is he? 

The click of his escape pod answers to that question. It takes three minutes and forty-two seconds for the pod to make it to the surface. 

In the darkness below, a world collapses. Another is born again.  
~  
Chuck doesn't realize he's not dead. Pain is overwhelming, he just - he just can't think about anything else, can't realize the acute reality of the silvery sky above him, can't acknowledge the medical helicopter that slowly approaches him, can't say anything when two firm hands take his helmet off. Try to breathe, he tells himself, try to breathe, it's a litany, he prays harder than he ever prayed. At this point, he doesn't know what he prays for. He didn't know the human body could endure such pain. Everything, everywhere, is fire. The taste of blood makes his mouth dry while the smell of burned flesh causes his stomach to go upside down. But the worst - the worst, it's in his head. Because the pain is inside it, he knows it, feels it, something has gone terribly wrong, and - 

Suddenly, he passes out. 

Nobody knows when he's going to wake up.

*** 

"Becket, I need to talk to you,"

Raleigh looks up, and he knows Mako did too. Herc and she respectfully bow to each other, and she understands without even a word. She's like this, Mako. She takes her tray and goes sitting with Newt, Hermann and his wife Vanessa who just arrived to the Shatterdome two days earlier, with a baby girl who seems to have taken great interest in Newton's tattoos. Hermann is not pleased about it, thank you very much.

Herc sits in front of him and Raleigh sees an exhausted man. They all are; you don't cancel the Apocalypse without any collateral damages. And Raleigh knows the biggest of them all for Herc is his son lying in an hospital bed. 

He went to see Chuck, once. He doesn't want to think about it, doesn't want to think about his burned skin, his closed eyes and the look on the surgeon's face. It reminds him of someone he has never seen, someone who's never got the chance of lying in an hospital bed to get to recovery.

"I'm listening, Sir... Marshall," he says, waiting for it. Behind Herc's shoulder, he sees Mako glancing at him - and baby Erica consciously spreading mashed potatoes on his dad's clothes.

Herc gives him a look that says "don't-you-marshall-me-Becket" and then exhales a deep, deep sigh. 

"I'm off to New York tomorrow. I have a meeting with those fuckers from the UN. Now that we have saved the world, they remember about us, right? Anyway, it means that..."  
He's looking for words, obviously, and Raleigh can't really help. He's never been really good with words. When you drift, you don't need to say anything, feelings are just here, it's just right there and you have no need to explain anything. He guesses it's a bad habit to take, to only rely on the drift to express your ... feelings or whatever, but he has never experienced the need to do otherwise. Well, until Yancy left, but what is done can't be undone, right?

"I don't know when I'm coming back, Ranger, and until that, I want you to check on my son for me and keep me informed. You'll give me a report every week,"

Raleigh shouldn't be surprised, but he freezes anyway and his jaw tightens a little. Tentatively, he tries a suicide attack but he knows by Herc's look he's not open for negociations.  
"Sir, I don't think... I am not the most qualified-"

"Well, tough shit, Becket. I just decided you are. It's an order, you understand?" Herc's voice is razor-sharp, but far, far, far under, Raleigh hears a father's cry.

It's strangely close to a brother's scream.

***  
"See you soon, Miss Mori," Raleigh says with a soft smile. 

"Soon enough, Mr Becket," she answers, caring look, same soft smile, embodiment of kindness.

They bow to each other, and she turns away, joining Herc who's waiting for her in the helicopter. Earlier, she gave him her phone number, her Skype and her address, just in case, she said with a worried tone. She's like this, Mako, she just knows. The idea of being separated from her, of being left alone with this forgery of a mission is agonizing. Honestly, it should be her watching Chuck and all; they grew up together in the Shatterdome, for fuck's sake! But Herc told something about her "being way more competent than he is" and other obvious reasons for why she should go with him to this meeting. 

The helicopter disappears in the wet, grey horizon of Hong Kong, and it's not until Raleigh completely looses the sigh of it he consents to go back in the Shatterdome. A lot of techs and employees have left, now that everything is over. The place that was once crowded with people, machines and sounds is now empty and silent. Yes, here it is. Silence. Raleigh stands for a few minutes in the deserted hall, where the Jaegers used to be. The walls are too high, too big.  
He suddenly feels very small, and turns away, heading to medical. Better start now.

Watching Chuck is better to have nothing to do. That's how he tries to convince himself. Seriously, the tought of being with him three hours a day every single fucking day, of watching him slowly die, has kept him awake last night. It suddenly occurs to Raleigh it is maybe the reason Herc gave him this mission. Because it was too hard to be the witness of his own son's agony, and he just couln't do it himself. And then, he chose to go away.

That's stupid, Raleigh tells himself as he enters medical bay. The place is white and clean, and there are some nurses here, but it's mostly empty. That's good. He won't have to explain to anybody why he's here.

"Why are you here?"

Well, anybody except the tall woman he's suddenly facing. He can tell by the way she looks she takes no shit and he swallows, hard. Thanks, Marshall. Thanks a lot. 

"I... Order from Marshall Hansen. He didn't send a note? I'm supposed to watch his- his son. Chuck Hansen." Even when he says it, it sounds absolutely ridiculous.

The hard expression she's wearing on her face softens a little, but Raleigh can tell she's not very pleased to have him here, all dirty and outdoorsy, in the middle of medical bay. A nurse brings her a file and she glances at it before looking up again at Raleigh.

"Yeah, he may have mentioned that. I told the Marshall we would send him a detailed report, but he greatly insisted on having "one of his boys" watching Chuck. And who am I to disobey Marshall Hansen... I guess," she sighs. She doesn't even try to hide how tired of this shit she is, but she doesn't oppose the Marshall's orders and that's - well, Raleigh doesn't know what he is supposed to di if somedoy stands between Herc Hansen's son and him. Kill that said-somebody, probably. In order not to get killed. Brilliant, really.

It's stupid how he can fight a fucking a Kaiju and completely let himself go in the drift, but won't be able to breath when he is presented the door of Chuck Hansen's room. Doctor Thiskey - that's her name - tells him he can stay as long as he wants, Chuck's state is stationary and there is only one check-out by hour and then she leaves, because she has other shit to deal with than former Jaeger pilots unable to get it together. But she warns him, oh yeah, she warns him, if anything happens while Raleigh's here, she will kick him out in the blink of an eye and god will he regret to ever having been born.

Raleigh swallows hard again, and knocks. Jesus fucking - knocking, really? Slowly, he pushes the door, swearing against his own stupidity and enters the room. At first, he doesn't want to come closer to Chuck, he feels like he's invading his intimacy, like he's taking away Chuck's right to heal in private but he can't help himself and approach slowly. He even sits next to him. The room is silent. Not a single machine makes noise. Raleigh doesn't know if it's good or not. He doesn't care. 

Because he now contemplates the face of a 21-year-old who's gone through the depths of fire and destruction and came back. What a smooth fucker, honestly. 

Chuck's face has mostly healed and thankfully for his ego, there are not so much scars. Of what he can see, Raleigh predicts that the burns on his arms, chest and legs will be longer to disappear. Maybe they won't at all and let deep traces of what they have done, when they set the world on fire and it came right back at them.  
"Hi, Chuck," he softly says. Stupidity, here we go again.

And then, the most amazing, terrifying, unexpected thing happens.

Chuck wakes up. Well, he opens his eyes. Around him, machines start to bip like crazy.

Doctor Thiskey is going to kill him.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SO SO SO SORRY ABOUT THE DELAY GUYS. I was super busy with my thesis (got it all done) and friends and visa stuff... Whatever. Here's a new chapter and another should come very soon! Thank you for all the kudos and comments. YOU GUYS ARE AMAZING, and PR fandom is just the best.  
> Also, I decided to go with past tense. It's easier for me. Hope you'll like it!  
> Unbeta'd. Any mistake is mine. English is not my first language. Kudos and comments are super appreciated. You can also come and say hello at http://lasteryahansen.tumblr.com

Chuck saw a white flash. The color echoed all over the inside of his skull. It shuts everything else out for a second. The pain, first of all. And everything else, the walls, the machines, the people. Yeah, for a second, Chuck was alone, utterly alone, and he didn’t know it yet, but later he would be thankful for this very moment where the world was unaware of him and he was unaware of the world. And after this, in the blink of an eye, he saw faces. For an instant, he thought he saw Becket but it must have been a creation of his erratic and broken mind. A woman was leaning over him. Mum, he thought and then he realizes it was not Angela. That woman had nothing of the sweet complexions of what he could recall of his mother. And she did not smell like her.

What Chuck smelled was the dry cleanliness of an hospital room mixed with a sharp and fresh lemon soap. His whole life had been filled with the fragrance of grease and heat. Chuck Hansen was not the kind of guy who minded a little sweat. The fresh scent made his throat go dry and his head go dizzy. It was intoxicating, mostly because he could feel the hands of the woman all over him.

Yeah, he felt the fingers touching his face and he wanted the hands to go away, ‘cause he did not like to be touched like this. The touch was callous and gravelly against his skin. People must think he’s crazy. After all, he’s drifted a millionth time. He should not care about intimacy, privacy, personal space, because it did not mean anything anymore. He had trespassed the boundaries so many times, right ? Well, maybe that’s the reason his body tightened so much when someone was too close without permission. Chuck Hansen was a control freak. He still wanted to have the illusion he could have control over his body, if not his mind. But he couldn’t do a thing, not even lift his hand. The hands over his body and his face were too powerful, and put something in his mouth. A tube.

Chuck coughed. He struggled, too, with arms and legs. His body fought the intruder, he wanted to split and hiss and yell but fast enough, something filled his mouth and he had no choice but swallow to not choke on the strange mixture. It was sweet. He always liked sweet things. Raspberry sorbet. Frog cake – pink icing, the best one. Tim Tams. The sweetness was suddenly warm and he felt his body relax. No. No, no, no, no, he wanted to stay here and ask the woman was the fuck was going one but – oh, sweet, so sweet...

Everything disappeared in a comfortable numbness.  
And with all of this, Chuck didn’t even realize he had not heard a single thing.

***

Raleigh was shaking. Like, he was sitting on a chair and still legitimately trembling. He was trying really hard to not throw up all over himself. What the fuck. What the fuck just happened, honestly. He swallowed hard. He saw Chuck’s face again, his calm sleeping features suddenly becoming all tense and alive and awake. Raleigh shamefully admitted he had at least jumped ten feet away when Chuck’s bright – too bright, too bright - green eyes opened. But he came back a second later, leaning over Chuck, trying to catch his eye, his hand, something, anything.

‘Chuck ! What the fuck, man, you alright ? You hear me ?’ His voice was raw and raspy, shaking from inside. Please let him be okay, let him be alright, he’s a kid, or god’s sake, just a -

Doctor Thiskey and two nurses had stormed into the room and one of them – Raleigh did not know who – pushed him away.  
‘Get out, Ranger !’

This, for the matter, was without doubt a very angry Doctor Thiskey. Raleigh carefully stepped back. He watched Chuck’s body jump, his eyes looking in the nothingness, his mouth open on dying words. There was nothing he wanted more to hold this empty hand. Because, for a second, Raleigh was Chuck. Like, he saw himself five years ago on this hospital bed with no one to hold his hand as he was trying to catch a breath, to understand why the fuck he was not dead.  
‘Get the fuck out, Becket !’

Doctor Thiskey’s voice. Raleigh looked at her, and he saw her eyes full of fire, her jaw clenching while she was trying to maintain Chuck in the tiny space of his bed, her expert hands shoving a tube in Chuck’s mouth. Raleigh’s throat was suddenly dry. What the fuck, holy mother of fucking Jesus, what the fu-  
‘OUT !’ was the last thing he heard before a nurse pushed him away again and closed the door in his face.

And now he was here, trying to understand, trying to keep it together. His heart was racing in his chest, as if it was trying to tear his skin apart.  
Chuck was awake.

The realization struggled to sink in. The words did not seem real, you know ? It’s like you keep repeating something over and over and over until it looses all its meaning. Except, well. It was real. Raleigh closhed his eyes. Again, Chuck’s body jumping, like he was having a seizure, popped up. _Breathe, Raleigh. You just breathe._

‘He’s gonna be okay,’

Doctor Thiskey fell on a chair next to him. She stretched her long legs and rubbed her hands against her face, like she was trying to erase all traces of exhaustion. Raleigh suddenly wondered how long he had been in this hallway. How long had Doctor Thiskey and the nurses been in Chuck’s room, trying to figure things out ? IT was like time and space were fucking blurred. For a second, he wondered if something had not happened down there in the Breach that might have affected his perceptions but no, he knew, he just knew – it was all on Chuck’s wake-up call.

‘What the fuck just happened ?’ he said, unable to stay silent anymore.

He heard Doctor Thiskey sigh and he looked at her. She looked like a warrior. She had long, blonde hair framing her strong face. Grey were her eyes, dry her look, but there was still something maternal about her. Something deeply, undoubtedly good. 

‘It happens sometimes. People wake up from their coma. For now, he’s under sedative. He was very... agitated,’

Oddly enough, Raleigh couldn’t help but smile a little. Kid wakes up from a coma and immediately tries to kill someone. Typical Chuck.

‘His stats are good,’ Doctor Thiskey said. ‘But I – we – need to be careful, M. Becket,’

Doctor Thiskey got up and crossed her arms against her chest. Raleigh stayed on his chair and just looked up. From this position, she seemed even taller. 

‘Who knows what happened down there. Ranger Hansen stayed much longer near the Breach than you did, and his pod was very badly damaged when it came at the surface. I don’t want anyone to have... Too much hope. He may not be the same person when he wakes up,’

Raleigh swallowed hard. His lips tasted like blood.


End file.
